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Though thy teeth be sharp, and thy claws great, waste not thy strength on me,
for thy beauty doth pierce mine heart worse than any wound.

Do not waste thy breath upon me, for I burn already a passion far greater than I can bear.

Oh dragon, hold back not thine beauty from mine eyes any longer, spread thy wings for me, let me see thy grace, thy majesty, thy glory complete!

Though thy scales turn away the sword, they cannot turn away my love for thee.
Though thy wings block the sun, they cannot block mine thoughts so bright of thee.
Though thine eyes stare death, I . . .only have eyes . . . for thee.
I was inspired to express my love for dragons in middle english. if I was a animal I'd be a dragon.

This ode which is called an irregular ode glorifies the dragon.

In Asiatic cultures, dragons are worshiped for their wisdom and longevity.
I have shown adoration and human love to the dragon of my dreams, the person is captivated by the dragons unearthly aura.

He reads only love and passion into the various features like its breath of fire, scales and piercing eyes of the supernatural entity.

The address is the one used for the revered one like a god or a deity. Biblical "thine" "thy" find their way into addressing the dragon.

The ellipses in the last line intensify the effect being totally enchanted by the dragon.

A gracious artist by the name of :icontreijim: has let me use the picture above for the cover of this poem.
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:iconbeccajs:
Hi there

I think this piece is only really a baseline for what you could do here. You are pointing out really obvious features of the dragon and not really showing any emotional aspects of personality of the creature.

The archaic choice of language is actually distracting and incorrect you could probably cut every single "thy" and "thee" used in this and you would already have a stronger piece. The language is also very ambiguous, lacking concrete images and strength in word choice. You could change the title of this poem to “bird” and the words could still be applied to it- consider how you can make this more unique.

If you are creating an "ode" you need to consider how you can show your audience more of the glorifying aspects of your subject matter. Also an Ode is actually a form of poetry usually forming lyrical verses- perhaps titling this as a "tribute" would be more suitable

You need to understand the concept of showing your audience, not telling them about the dragon. Use imagery to let them to be able to see the dragon you are describing- create more concrete images and maybe use similes to make those elements of the creature you admire more fantastical- what could you compare sharp teeth and claws to? What can you share about the dragon instead of just what it looks like? Could you use other senses to describe it?

There are also quite a few grammatical errors- ellipses are not pauses and “can not” should be cannot”. I believe you have a passionate idea here, but there is a lot of work on and it would be good to see this redrafted.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
27 out of 32 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconenderdragon24:
EnderDragon24 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Go dragons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:icondragonram107:
DragonRam107 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I love dragons too! ^~^
Reply
:iconjacobellinger:
Jacobellinger Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah I wrote it because I love dragons too.
Reply
:icondragonram107:
DragonRam107 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
:D
Reply
:iconnyrawolfdragon:
NyraWolfDragon Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
Amazing!
Dragons are awesome ^^
Reply
:iconmerlinathewitch:
MerlinaTheWitch Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow! this is amazing! I love dragons >w<
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:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^.==.^
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:icongandof79:
gandof79 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
made me smile. im happy now XD
Reply
:iconotherworldyfauna:
OtherworldyFauna Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I AM SOOOOO WITH YOU dragons are beautiful, and nothing will ever change that 0w0
Reply
:iconyoshidaime:
YoshiDaime Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Beautiful, from start to finish, the style of speech is appropriate for a Dragon theme, sweet.
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
glad you liked it.
Reply
:iconyoshidaime:
YoshiDaime Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Definitely!!! :D
Reply
:iconmagnius159:
Magnius159 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
when you said old english i was expecting something like: We Gardena in geardagum, ■eodcyninga, ■rym gefrunon,
hu ­a Š■elingas ellen fremedon.

This is more like medieval/renaissance language.
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
oh! yeah I think it's probably something more like middle English or something? what would you call it? I know it has some kind of name to call it but not sure what if old English is wrong?
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:iconmagnius159:
Magnius159 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yes.
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
what does this have to do with my poem?
I'm so confused
Reply
:icontheubbergeek2:
theubbergeek2 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011
Worlds fulls of Dungeons and *Dragons* ;)
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
well yeah lol.
Reply
:icongalanorbrighteye:
GalanorBrighteye Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautifully written. It's easy to see the passion the speaker has for the magnificent creature which is the dragon. Very emotional. Fav'd!
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks much, I loved dragons ^.==.^
Reply
:iconcheetour:
Cheetour Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2011
Beautiful writing! I love your imagery (is that the right word?) for this.
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
YES it is, thanks so much
Reply
:iconkillerfuzzball:
killerfuzzball Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Very beautiful, I love poems written in old English and this is very well done. I wish I could write in old English this well.
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
first let me say thanks :D
as for writing this poem in old English "this well" as you say, I actually worked on this poem longer than any of my other ones, about a week to be precise.
I wish I could say that I learned old English to write this but in fact the rough draft had (if I remember right) about three or four improper uses of old English words and even a few modern words that (mostly from habit) I had placed in the poem.

I also removed and replaced two lines, I just hated the way they sounded, so I am flattered you think my skill as a poet is that good, (and just a bit bemused) but alas I had others who new way more than me (mostly my online friends) correct me and point out many flaws.

of all my poetry though this one is one of my fave.
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:iconkillerfuzzball:
killerfuzzball Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, that is quite a long time to work on one poem but I can understand that, I have been like that with a few of mine. I didn't notice any mistakes, but I'm not an expert on old English. Overall its still a very good poem and one of my favorites I have read on deviantart.
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:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
really?! thanks so much. :iconso-awesomeplz:
Reply
:iconkillerfuzzball:
killerfuzzball Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Your very welcome. :)
Reply
:iconcosmowillome:
CosmoWillome Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like it! I used to love dragons! (I still do :heart:)
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:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
oh thank you so much :iconso-awesomeplz:
Reply
:iconcosmowillome:
CosmoWillome Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome!
Reply
:iconifoldbooks:
IFoldBooks Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A very poetic way you professed your love for dragons, and without a doubt effective! Very nice work you've done here!
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:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
*blush* how nice of you, I like this poem too hehe
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:iconifoldbooks:
IFoldBooks Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconkaschill7:
kaschill7 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011  Professional Writer
cool!!!
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
this is one of my own faves. and silly little bird as well, you have good taste.
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:iconkaschill7:
kaschill7 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011  Professional Writer
lol they are very good :)
Reply
:iconinspireddragons:
InspiredDragons Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow the poem is just as beautiful as the picture along with it. Fantastic poem indeed! :D
Reply
:iconjrakob:
Jrakob Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks! people seem to like this one the best, but between you and me, it's my second favorite of my own work.
Reply
:iconinspireddragons:
InspiredDragons Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Really? Oh..Well still splendid work.
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:iconectoplasmicslug:
EctoplasmicSlug Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student General Artist
Aw :( I wanna read it but my computer isn't letting me. I'm sure it's quite beautiful
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:iconectoplasmicslug:
EctoplasmicSlug Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student General Artist
WOW!!! That's gorgeous!!! :D You put that together magnificently! <3 <3 <3

Thanks for sharing! ^_^
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